Nightmare as an adult
hi...
it's been a while
actually Rara said she's appreciate my mini blog
so, i decide to write again today.....
Nightmare
I suddenly woke up with a chaotic feeling
My mind was full of messy movie recaps.
my heart was beating fast
I thought it was okay, maybe it was just a nightmare
But there's no nightmare that I don't remember after waking up.
I'm a good reminder.
I cast many spells to calm my soul.
so many that I almost vomited
It didn't work.
I thought back to the things that made me feel like this before.
What is there?
rather than excessive worry
this is more like fear
afraid of being alone
afraid of being cold
Actually, this is not what I meant
but in fact, I was indeed alone and cold
because I'm in my boarding room
with a low air conditioning temperature
then I sorted my memories back to my childhood
a time when I often had long nightmares
it was always long, because I refused to wake up
I was too curious about what would happen in my dream
without realizing it, secretly hoping for a happy ending
Isn't it almost unbelievable?
how could I believe there would be a happy ending
in a dream that I knew was a nightmare.
But that's not the point.
I want to tell you about my childhood.
The time when I always woke up from a nightmare
and didn't have to try to calm myself down
because I could always run to my parents' room and knock on the door.
sometimes at 11pm
sometimes at 1am
sometimes almost dawn
there's no set time
I always got up from my sleep
as quickly as possible run to my parents' room
asking for a hug and affirmation that I'm okay
I am safe, I am alive
I'm loved
But doesn't mean that growing up I can't do that.
I still do it occasionally
but I don't have nightmares as often anymore.
Now I also sleep too late to dream at night.
Growing up changes some things
but not by running for warmth when it's cold.
for my one and only eternity love,
my amazing muma and papa 🤍
pls kindly hit me up on social media, it's mean a lot
ig : @amyrahzc
twitter: @miwarubyjane
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